Have you ever made a mistake?
A choice that you look back on and wish you had never made?
Sometimes it’s something really simple and mundane – a little thing, really – you’re shopping a sale, and you find something that’s not exactly the right shade, but you buy it anyway, because, well, it’s such a good deal.
Some of us do that in other, more significant moments of our lives too. We make a choice in our personal or professional lives thinking, this will be easier – even though, deep down in our bones we know that it isn’t exactly right, that there’s something kind of iffy and corner-cutting about it.
(By the way, our bones represent that part of ourselves that is indestructible. If you don’t have a habit of listening to yours, I urge you to start.)
By listening, often we can tell beforehand when we’re on the bring of a “wrong” turn. But often times, we move through life half asleep, or maybe a little bit more than half asleep, especially at first. It can feel painful to come awake, to recognize the power of each choice we make. And if we miss the signs, in advance, the great Yoga teacher, TVK Desikachar tells us that we can discover we’ve made a bad choice if it brings suffering. Then we can look back and know. (Are you feeling the warm fuzzies yet?)
In spite of my personal “no regrets” policy, I admit that I sometimes look back and wonder: What if I had chosen differently? Or I think, if only I had been more aware, maybe I could have avoided some painful things. And in spite of feeling truly, (truly!) grateful for all I’ve learned from every “wrong” turn, I still have lain awake and wished I could have been smarter, or more on top of my game, at certain critical moments, ones that brought suffering.
But I learned something true recently, and I want to share it with you, because now I think about this differently. I was reading in Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ Women who Run with the Wolves, and her words of wisdom jumped out at me:
Every woman makes a “bad bargain” at some point in her life. (And, I suspect, every man as well.)
A “bad bargain” – a wrong turn, a “bad” choice – is part of the process of initiation into a higher level of awakening.
Let that sink in for a moment. A “bad bargain” is part of the process of initiation into a higher level of understanding, awakening, awareness.
It’s not that, “gosh, I made a wrong choice and I’m glad I learned from it but if only I had been smarter I could have avoided it all.”
No. No. Nope.
It had to happen. And if it hadn’t been that choice, it would have been another. Because life’s suffering comes along to knock us awake.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes calls such suffering, “the initiation we wish we never had.”
Desikachar calls it, the movement from avidya (not seeing) to vidya (clear seeing).
In cultures that still have a process of initiation into adulthood, the elders help the younger ones make this transition into greater awareness, without so much suffering. Most of us don’t have that safety net.
As children, we deserve time to play and doze, and feel safe and protected, half awake, and half asleep. I love being the mama for my children, and giving them the gift of such time, as much as I possibly can. That’s a life of joy for someone that age. But for a grown up person, who seeks to live a life of joy very consciously, the “bad” choice, the “bad bargain,” the “initiation we wish we never had,” comes along for all of us an essential part of the journey. If we spend all of our time trying to avoid the wrong turns by never choosing anything, thus giving our power away, or wallowing in regret over the “bad” choices we did make, then we have very little time left to live.
Better to lean into the sharp points, lean into the pain of it all, and learn all you can from it. Don’t be afraid. Have courage: if you do this, you won’t take the same “wrong” turn twice. You can’t. You’re wiser now. Does it still hurt? Hell yes. But don’t treat yourself to the pain without helping yourself to the wisdom too. There’s tremendous value in that.
The key is to move forward with as much awareness as you can, keep a sense of humor, and continue to listen to your inner calling, the truth you feel in your bones. It will guide you.
As Joseph Campbell says, “if you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” And when you create your own path by walking it, you are going to make “mistakes.”
Your own path will feel right, like water flowing toward the sea, but it will not necessarily feel easy, and if you’re living and loving with all your heart, it cannot come without suffering.
So count me with Edit Piaf, please: No regrets: Laugh, love, LEARN, LIVE.
Namaste,
Erin
P.S. Look for information coming soon about Rekindling the Creative Fire, my upcoming Equine Facilitated Learning Retreat/workshop. It’s about Creativity – the power we all have to co-create the life we came here to LIVE. Registration opens next week! If you’d like to hear the details as soon as they’re available, hit “reply” and let me know. My email is: Erin@Radiantenergyforlife.com